so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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