I want to make a zoo with you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
