The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
