If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I want to make a zoo with you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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