i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
