Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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