I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
