How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
