now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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