just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
