Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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