Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
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I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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