dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
