You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
