I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
