I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
