I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
