areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
soo... how was my night?
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