i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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