Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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