he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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