ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
