She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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