D3 body, D1 cock
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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