You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
