went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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