Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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