U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You can't motorboat a personality
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
