nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
