Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
