does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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