and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
