That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
