so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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