just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
