are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my shit smells like andre
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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