we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drunk is a universal language darling
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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