stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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