Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
