i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
