At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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