It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize