is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
