Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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