I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
