I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
