do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
