To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize