I seem to have left my pride at pride
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
