Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just invented taco cereal.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
