he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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