I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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