Fuck appropriateness.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
