he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
