Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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