Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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