Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
