Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
