I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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