Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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