I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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