Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dear god my vagina.
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