So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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