Can Purell be used as lube?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
