TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
