Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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