Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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