oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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