Please, let me fuck your mom
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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