Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
