Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
