What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
